


Argan Oil Body Butter - A Shitpost

by prince_zale



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, forgive me for making kou and tetsu so thirsty for daichi im so sorry haha sike im not sorry at all, haikyuu fanfic writers challenge on twitter, this is an absolute shitpost of a fic but yknow here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24313417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prince_zale/pseuds/prince_zale
Summary: Thank you Aya (@redluxite on twitter, wordstruck on AO3) for the challenge.See the Tweet here: https://twitter.com/redluxite/status/1263487912634511360Sorry not sorry this is a shit post and characterizations are wonky I don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaare I wanted two idiots and Daichi being hot and that's what I wrote I will not be stopped.
Kudos: 5





	Argan Oil Body Butter - A Shitpost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wordstruck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordstruck/gifts).



“I can’t work in these conditions,” Tetsurou bites out. He’s slathered in body butter, stripped down to his Hanes sponsored boxer-briefs and standing under the bright studio lights. 

“What conditions?” Kenma, his agent, asks in a bored tone from off-set.

“I can’t work with  _ him!”  _ Tetsurou snaps, pointing to his old friend, Koutarou, who was in a very similar state as him. 

“Hey!” Koutarou barks, glaring at Tetsurou, insulted.

“You keep stealing my lines!” Tetsurou whirls on him.

“What? No, I don’t? I’m supposed to say ‘Wild Argan Oil: Sublime Nourishing Body Butter,’ and you’re supposed to say the 48 hour part,” Koutarou argues insistently.

“Oh my god, no, I’m supposed to say that, and  _ you’re  _ supposed to say the 48 hour part!”

“Actually, you’re both wrong,” Keiji calls from his off-set chair next to Kenma’s.

Kenma nods in affirmation, looking to the two figures joining them.

“Daichi is supposed to say that, and you two follow up,” Suga says with a smirk, Daichi standing beside him, looking harried.

“Why am I doing this again?” Daichi asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Because Chikara asked nicely. Now, go on, get out there, stud,” Suga encourages, spanking Daichi and making him blush.

Daichi stumbles out onto the set, equally as lubed up with body butter as the other two men. “Let’s just get this over with. Please.”

Tetsurou and Koutarou were both speechless, staring at their friend, jaws slack.

“What?”

“Oh,” Tetsurou startles out of his thousand yard stare. “I mean… Daichi, you’re like… really ripped.”

“Yeah, like, really, really ripped. I mean, look at those tits, man,” Koutarou backs him up.

Daichi lets out a strangled noise. “Can we just do the take, please?” His blush extends down into his neck and chest at this point.

“Ready on camera, when you all stop fucking around. Daichi says the first line, then Tetsurou says the second, and Koutarou, you bring it in for the win,” Chikara directs. “Quiet on set! And… Action!”

“Wild Argan Oil: Sublime Nourishing Body Butter,” Daichi says, using his ‘encouraging captain’ voice, gesturing to the little jar Tetsurou holds in his hands.

“48-hour, ultra-rich moisture for very dry skin, with slow-pressed argan oil from the Little Atlas Mountains, Morocco,” Tetsurou says with a little smirk, finger swiping through the body butter and catching a glob to hold up for the camera.

“If you want to have silky smooth skin, like us, find Wild Argan Oil: Sublime Nourishing Body Butter in your drug store today!” Koutarou finishes, hands smoothing sensually over his oiled body.

“And… cut! That’s a wrap!” Chikara calls, looking like he wants to murder someone.

“Is that really going to be the final take?” Keiji asks unsurely, looking at Suga, then looking past him to Chikara.

“I think I will murder your ace if I have to see him touch himself one more time,” Chikara says darkly, stalking out of the studio.

“Ah. I see.”


End file.
